First "real" week on the job...

I guess you could consider my first real week on the job complete, although I haven't been thrown in the fire. I have an extended training plan over the next month and a half that allows me the time to really learn the in's and out's of the culture and organization, which has been great mentally, given that my mind is still holding onto Ginger and what she's doing, how she's eating, if she's taking her naps,etc.

The people have been great, I must admit. I am surrounded by moms and dads with young children, so every time someone new comes in my office, they are immediately drawn to Ginger's photo collage. It's a great icebreaker, talking about your children- everyone seems to "get it" that despite being incredibly driven and committed, our lives are really all about our kids.

Pumping has been....interesting. I am able now to pump in my own office, which has no windows or glass so it's completely private. But it's still quite a commitment to get 1/2 undressed, set everything up, feel like a milking cow for 15 minutes, and then clean everything up. This happens twice a day, and part of me dreads it, part of me loves it(because I get to stare at Ginger's photo collage for 15 minutes and focus on my love for her) and part of me is proud that I'm so committed to getting her to 1 year and then transitioning straight to whole milk. But I do sometimes wonder about the day when someone knocks on my door, and I'll have to not answer, and then worry that they'll walk away wondering why I was so rude to not answer the door. I haven't really announced to the entire office (hundreds of people) that I'm pumping, so they'll just have to be confused and/or offended for a few months. This hasn't happened yet, so I'm always crossing my fingers that nobody will need me for the 20 minutes this whole process takes, twice a day.

Routine has started to set in, and I find it really interesting how my attitude about work has changed. I have always been so driven and usually at the top of the performance charts, which to a degree I still feel committed to, but I am also completely comfortable knowing that I'm not as desperate to be #1 as I once was. I just want to be really good at what I do. That's enough for me.

I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier or harder to have left Ginger at the traditional 3 months, vs. after 7 1/2 months. I've concluded that I would have probably lost it a whole lot more at 3 months, but it's still hard. At mid-week this week, a tiny thought crept into my mind- "Is this all worth it?" Of course, we don't have a choice- we are dependant on my salary, but there are still plenty of moments filled with wishes that somehow, it could be different. I'm sure every working mom can relate on this one, and that actually makes me feel better reminding myself of this, as it's not unique and just part of the challenge of working outside of the home. Don't get me wrong- this new opportunity is THE perfect fit for me, in fact I've said more than a few times that if I could have written what my returning to work would look like, it would be this. Exactly. But my heart still hurts a little bit.

The good news is that soon enough, once I've gotten through training, built relationships with the key players, and demonstrated that I know what I'm doing, I will begin working from home at least 2-3 times a week. It looks like Mondays and Thursdays will be office days, but Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday I will be able to work from home. I still don't know how that will work out with Ginger- if I'll be able to flex my schedule, if it will prove difficult to work from home with her here (with a nanny, of course), or if it can be managed. But I still look forward to that flexibility.

All in all, I would call this week a success. I've met some fantastic people, and can tell that I'm really going to be valued within the organization. That's a good feeling, all things considered.

Minneapolis adventure

We survived! And thrived, I might add...Ginger, Grammy, Opa, and I all traveled out to Minneapolis for my first week on the new job, and I have to say that it went even better than I could have ever dreamed.

The flight out was a cinch- Ginger slept on the way out to Denver, and then played on the 2nd leg to Minneapolis. It was nice to have two extra sets of hands to help with all of the luggage, toys, and baby, I must admit. When we arrived, we were excited to see how nice the set-up was at the hotel- it was a 2 bedroom suite with a full kitchen and living room, more than enough space for all of us.

Dad and I woke up Monday morning and got breakfast together, while Grammy and Ginger slept in together. The executive recruiter who took me along the hiring process met me in the lobby and we walked together the 5 blocks to the Target corporate center. Target actually takes up 5 seperate buildings in downtown Minneapolis- it is definitely Target town around there! I was led to the "lactation room" for moms, and was BLOWN away by the set up. I wished I had all of this at home- lockers, refrigerators, 10-12 seperate stalls with magazines, a place to put your baby's photo, electrical outlets, wipes, paper towels, kleenex- you name it. It was kind of funny walking in and hearing the "whoosh whoosh" sound of other moms breast pumps- but usually I was either alone, or just one other person in there, and always in the seperate stalls so the privacy was just awesome.

Target, I've decided, is where I needed to land for my first venture in returning to work. Every single person I met with was sharp, young, family focused, intelligent, and truly welcoming and glad to see me joining the team. My boss is FANTASTIC! He has a little baby boy only a month older than Ginger, and his wife also works at Target (and breastfeeds/pumps) so there was absolutely no awkwardness at all. We showed off our babies to each other, and he lit up when talking about his baby boy. We hit it off right away, and though I will report to him from CA, I can tell that it's going to be a great working relationship. His biggest concern for me is that I remember my priority is my family, and that work never trumphs my husband and baby. WOW is all I can say.

I spent the week really just going from meeting to meeting with various peers, and doing "GTK's". That stands for Get to Knows, so I told my career story about 50 times, but found it interesting to learn where others had come from. Many of them have been with Target for 10+ years, which is nice to see, as I'm hoping to plant my feet and stick around.

Everyone's advice for me is to "go slow now, to go fast later". Meaning just enjoy this time in training, absorb the Target culture, and despite wanting to jump right in, resist and just develop relationships. Most companies, especially in this economy, would have directed otherwise, so I can tell this is a long term investment on their part. One day, my boss's boss's boss (3 levels up) took the whole team out to lunch (about 20 people) and we laughed so much through the lunch that at times we were tearing up from all of the laughter. I fit like a glove with the team, and I feel really set up for success having come from Starbucks. I swear, you could just change the Target Red for Starbucks green and it is the same place. Overwhelming for some, but for me, it felt just like home.

I will admit that it was tough to leave Ginger every morning, but knowing she was in my parents hands made all the difference. I was more jealous that I didn't get to go on all of the fun adventures they had, vs. feeling sad and depressed that I wasn't with her. I would come home from work at night, and she would grin ear to ear and snuggle, hug, and want to be close with me right away. She slept well, ate well, and really adjusted just fine. As they say, it is more of a transition for Mom than child, and that proved true for us. Plus Ginger got to bond with Grammy and Opa, who have offered to watch her for another 2 months until my full time nanny (and friend) is available to watch Ginger. Which means I won't have to leave her with our next door neighbor, who is sweet and kind, but still a bit of a stranger to me. I couldn't be more thrilled.

All in all, it was a fabulous trip. I am happy to be home, enjoying my own bed, seeing Paul and Woody, and being lazy around the house this weekend. If you can believe it, I am actually looking forward now to work, though it will still be hard to leave her in the mornings. If I had any concerns about whether this was the right move, they were alieviated by my boss and Target's sharp focus on making sure everyone is family first. That means a lot to me as a new mom, and I can't wait to see what's in store for the next chapter...

Tomorrow...

is my last day as a full time stay-at-home mommy with Ginger. The guilt has officially set in, and it's not pretty. This is not going to be one of those "look on the bright side" posts, I can't muster feeling anything but incredibly sad that I will not get to see Ginger's smiles and hear her giggles at my leisure. I am miserable that I won't be here every moment of the day. I remember telling other people that I'd never make a good stay-at-home mom, in fact even when I was pregnant I thought that I would savor the moment of returning to work. Not a chance. I'm sure I'll transition, it'll be hard, but I'm just not even willing or prepared to deal with that right now. For now, I'm just sad.

Back to work...

...and I have mixed emotions, to say the least. I have been overwhelmed with joy that I have had 7 1/2 months at home with Ginger, it has been such a bonding experience for her and I, and I can't even imagine what it would have been like to return to work like most, after only 3 short months. I have seen her grow right before my eyes, and despite fussy moments here and there, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But, we are dependent on my salary to maintain our household. So, I return to work on August 31st, and despite an awesome new job where I'll be able to work from home, a big part of me is still sad that we are in the position that I have to return to work.

When I was layed off from the County, I remember calling Paul, then my mom and bursting into tears telling them the news. I thought my (our) life was turned upside down, I walked away from a great job at Starbucks, for one that on day 2 (!!) was a mistake. I was accustomed to having a flexible schedule, working from home or the office at my leisure, and working along side a group of talented, bright, genuine professionals. When I started my County job, I quickly realized that me being hired to bring "progessive HR strategy" was futile among the red tape, state order, and to be frank, a lot of people who didn't seem to give a damn. I knew that I had made a mistake. But I powered through, was successful in driving a cost-laden ATS (applicant tracking system) nightmare into the ground, saving the County almost $400,000. In just 5 months.

But when it came time for me to take my maternity leave, which was negotiated in advance, I was met with the news that I would not have a job to come back to. At the time, I couldn't see the blessing that this was. But now, looking back, I thank God that my path was led in this direction.

Back on topic, I now have a fantastic opportunity with a lot of people who seem to be very similar to those I've worked with at Starbucks, bright, progressive, and decisive coworkers. And I'm happy for that. But in all reality, I am already anxious about the first few weeks and how I will probably be gloomy knowing that I will not get to spend so much time with Ginger. The good news is that for the first 6-8 weeks, our next door neighbor will watch her while I work from home, and I can go over anytime to nurse her, play with her, and she will come back to our house around 2:30pm for her afternoon nap. So it will only really be from about 8:30-2:30pm. But still, those playtimes before and after her morning nap have been so fun for the both of us. We've taken off and run errands together, gone to the park and shopping together, and met Paul for lunch together weekly.

My hope is that once my job transitions past the new stage, I will be able to work out flexing my schedule to do things early in the morning, while Ginger is napping, and later at night so I can still spend time with her daily. This is going to be quite a transition in our lives. More to come...

Girls' Lunch

I remember sitting in Nordstrom's Cafe, almost 9 months pregnant, and watching other moms with strollers, diaper bags, shopping bags, and babies in tow. Part of me was frightened beyond belief, but another part of me was so excited for the day that I would be sitting and eating with my baby girl.

Today, when Ginger woke up from her morning nap, I decided it was going to be today that we took our first real "girls lunch" to the Cafe, and we had a blast. Two older ladies were sitting a few tables over, and one of the ladies came up towards the end of our lunch and commented on how cute Ginger is, how well behaved she is, and how great she was while I was feeding her the plum puree I brought along with us. I have to admit- it was just as I'd imagined it, even better really, and I believe that this will be our little tradition together in the future!

Taking the elevator up to the 3rd floor!


Lots of people in the Cafe today...


Mommy and Ginger enjoying lunch!


Snuggles at the end of lunch...

New stuff...

We rarely have to buy much for Ginger, as we got a ton of gifts from our baby showers, as well as great friends who have handed down toys, jumpers, clothes, you name it (most stuff is really barely used!!). Once in awhile, I still like to go out and get Ginger new stuff, it's fun and I really can't help it sometimes.

Here are a few "new things" that Ginger has taken a liking to recently!

Sure, it never snows in California, but we are ready if it does! This is supposed to fit her until 12 months, we'll see!




These were actually given to us, and I didn't know if Ginger would like them or not. It's a mesh netting that holds frozen fruit/vegatables in it, and it's supposed to teach them how to eat, as well as be a good thing for teething. I give Ginger 1/2 an ice cube size portion of banana, and she goes to town on it!



I couldn't help it on this. I never, ever find stuff in the store that has Ginger's name on it, so the other day I was looking at a personalization website, and found this cute stepstool that you could have personalized. It also doubles as a puzzle, as the letters and flowers/butterfly are removable, so my thoughts are "It's educational!" LOL

6 month drs appt (almost a month late!)

Ginger's 2 month doctor's appointment was scheduled 2 weeks late because we were working through new insurance, and her 4 month appointment had to be scheduled no sooner than 2 months later, which pushed us out to being 3 weeks late for that. This 6 month appointment again had to be scheduled no sooner than 2 months later, and so we are now almost 4 weeks behind schedule. Gotta love stingy insurance plans that think about patients as a file number, and not a person. But that's a whole other story...

Today, we learned that Ginger is now 17.2 lbs (25-50 percentile), 28" tall/long (90-95 percentile), and head circumfrence is 45 cms (90-95 percentile). All of these are normal and are coming along to her growth all along, according to doc, so I'm happy to hear that!

Though our insurance has been a mess while I've been unemployed, what I can say is that our doctor's office has been really, really great. Today, the nurse came in and explained that although usually Ginger gets a total of 3 vacines (two 3-in-1's, and an oral), they were out of one of the 3-in-1 vaccines, meaning that we would need to give her 5 total instead of 3. She asked me if I wanted to come back at the end of the week, or just give Ginger the 5 today. I was hesistent but had already planned around Ginger's shots today, so sadly I told her "I guess we can give her the 5 shots". I wasn't excited about it, and the nurse could tell by the look on my face that I wasn't happy. So she said "let me go prepare the shots". When she came back in, she told me she went to the doctor's office next door and worked out borrowing one of their 3-in-1 vaccines, and she would repay them when they received their shipment by the end of the week. WHO does this anymore these days? This nurse is so sweet and loving with Ginger, and although no parent likes to see their child in pain, she does everything she can to deliver them gently and smoothly.

Here is a pic of Ginger post-shots, of course I've saved the bandaids of all her shots so far, and these are keepers too.


The expression here is priceless, you know she is thinking "mom took me to get shots today and all I got were these bandaids?!?"

Ginger's 6 month portraits

I've been horrible with keeping up the blog these days, what used to be daily posts are turning into weekly ones! Anyhow, here are several of the final portraits of Ginger at 6 months- we think they turned out fabulous! If you ever need a pregnancy or baby photographer (other than my fabulous friend Kymberli at www.webbedfootphotography.com of course) you should really look into Tina at Barefoot photography (www.tinadoane.com) She does amazing studio work!













I had to include what we call the "Diva" shot. :)

6 month photos- SNEAK PEEK!

We took Ginger last Saturday to take her 6 month photos, and here are two that our photographer gave us as a sneak peek. I was a little concerned about how these would come out, as I booked the session for 5pm, and Ginger is a little worn out by this time of day. So we didn't get as many smiles as we'd hoped for, and while trying to sit on her own, I looked away for a second and of course she feel straight back and bonked her head. So the rest of the session was a little teary, but of course it was mommy's fault!

Anyhow, I am SO happy with these two shots, I can't wait to see the rest!

Ginger's first trip to Palm Desert

It was 20 years ago, this year, that my Dad, Mom, Chris and I visited Palm Desert for the first time, in our (then) new villa at the Marriott Desert Springs. I was 10 years old, and still remember that first trip, and how it felt to be vacationing in HOT heat, LOTS of pools, and TONS of fun. Now 20 years later, it was Ginger's first trip to Palm Desert, and while I don't think she'll remember it, we experienced everything that I did on my first trip.

First, it was H-O-T! 118 degrees on the hottest day, and so that mean a lot of evening swims, and more time in the villa with my family. Julie, Sean, and their kids came out, and my nephews Zack and Josh came out from Texas as well. It was great to have the opportunity to spend a week with Ginger interacting with her cousins- we usually only get a day here, a day there, so she had a LOT of playtime with them, which was great.

Although a lot of people assume Ginger is a quiet, mellow baby, she definitely comes out of her shell after a few interactions and boy, was she vocal and playful on this trip. She is learning how to sit up independantly, and with the exception of a few bonks when she toppled over, I can officially say now that we are home that she is a "sitter". She also is now able to place almost all her weight on herself while standing (assisted still) but I'd like to think she learned these new skills by watching her cousins sit and stand with/around her during this week.

She went with us to a fancy restaurant (Lakeview, at the Marriott Hotel across the golf course) and was a perfect, well mannered baby. She ate (pureed bananas), drank (water from a sippy cup) and giggled and laughed at the adults, and baby at the next table (who brings babies to fancy restaurants?!? I know, I know, but it was a special occasion).

All in all, we had a great time, and although Paul could attend with us because of work, I was so thrilled that Ginger is now part of our annual tradition of the Palm Desert vacation!